illustration by Style Hive

So I’ve been dreaming a lot for the last few weeks. What I’m wondering is why do I dream of tidal waves for the past few days. It happened twice for this week.

I bit my lips as I charged myself guilty with what I read online about its meaning.

It is said that to dream that you are caught in a tidal wave symbolizes overwhelming emotional issue that seeks attention like keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up for too long and holding back tears that you feared to express in your waking life. On the contrary, it represents that you are clearing away old habits. If you are being carried away by the tidal wave, it means that you are ready to make a brand new beginning in a new place.

Hmm.. I never thought that the meaning I found can be so accurate like this. My girlfriend will for sure agree with it as she happened to read the blog I have written ‘secretly’ which was really meant to keep. There’s no way I would publish such serious blog ever – again.

I’ve learned a bunch of lessons already from the past events of my life. And even if I firmly believe in myself (my own points of view, philosophy, rules etc), I think it’s way better to come out from your own world, seek for something that will improve yourself and change for the best.

(I’ve done this right after I wake up this morning which was around 11. Most of our dreams are often forgotten if not noted so I hurried up before it’s too late. )

Illustration by Pure Nail Bar

Out from the boring Thursday, I ended up having my nail painted with the girls in the office. At first, I was in doubt because I don’t spend that extravagant for nail related treatments. Why? Try to have a set of very tiny nails like mine? Do you think it’s going to be that worth it to spend PHP300 just to have it polished? I would rather buy that amount with Orly nail polish which cost approximately PHP350. At least, I could have it not just for single use but until its expiration date is due.

I never had the chance to refuse when the staff put something warm in my nape. “So Ok, I think my pretty little nails are destined to be coloured today,” I said to myself while relaxing in the couch.

I was smiling nastily while the young staff started to work on my nails. “Good luck, Atih!” And I wasn’t wrong with what I thought. The one who cleaned my nails switched me to an older staff which I think is an expert. Another mischievous smile glared in me because there were two staffs already working on both of my hands. I wasn’t really sure if it’s because my nails were difficult to paint with or they just want to go home or have their dinner early.

I could even recall what the young staff said to the other staff in vernacular language, “Ika na magkulay kani Ate.” – which means she wants the older staff to do the painting of my nails rather than her. LOL. So she thought I can’t understand such  vernacular language, huh?

Ate, the one who shaded my nails even kept asking me with things I don’t know if I should be flattered with or insulted.

Ate: Are you the youngest in the group?

Mutzii: Why? (smiling sweetly)

Ate: ‘Cause you look so young.

Ate left and then asked me again when she came back.

Ate: How old are you, hija?

Mutzii: Hmm, (replied with a smile again)

Ate:  Even your nails, they’re like the nails of a baby. (she continues muttering while painting my nails)

My ears clapped and said, “Si Ate talaga o, bolera!”

It was my first time for a nail spa treatment and I guess I’m gonna come back for more upcoming treatments schedule again (despite of the swelling feeling of my fingers after)with the these “wonder” girls whom I never thought I’d be closed with. Thanks girls for introducing a new way to relieve stress! ;D

Why are there “kupal” people in the world??? I’ve been asking this over and over again. And until now, I still find no answer. Is it because a bunch of such people will still be born and dominate the world in the near future? I wish ‘kupal’ people are homosexuals, so they don’t have the ability to reproduce themselves. Tsk, poor world.

I’ve asked my friends (here in the office) the meaning of the word “kupal” in colloquial term. I had to laugh when B1 answered it figuratively and replied with a name. While B2 said it’s some sort of guys’ sperm? – Which made me type it in Wikipedia and it’s indeed correct. Kupal if used literally and in colloquial tagalog sounds so nasty. LOL After few minutes, B2 got back to me and gave me a brief answer. (I think I made her think, too! )

I thought ‘kupal’ is similar with ‘epal’. And (I think) I was wrong because B2 said ‘kupal’ means papansin while ‘epal’ is ‘mapapel’ which I agreed so. Are we correct in this interpretation?

I (We) know someone who’s pathetically creating noise just to get people’s attention or rather just to pissed people off – intentionally. And guess what, she’s in a winning streak to get the trophy of “kakupalan” award. If there’s such award given in the office, she’s definitely in the number one spot every month!

What’s more funny about her is that she dreams a lot, acting as if she’s the boss of the company. And nobody dares to wake her up. Nawa’y bangungutin na lamang siya! LOL. Another thing that galls me (us) more is when she talks a LOT in maximum volume. I bet she’s gonna die if she have not spoken a single word in her life.

“Kung sino pa ‘yong mga panget, ‘Yun pa ‘yong madada.” Sabi ng lola ko.

Or maybe, it’s just another dream of hers? Maybe, she’s dreaming again, that she’s just at home and what she sees around her are her “katulong” (as she always say with full of emphasis). Isn’t it sound more human and kind enough to use “kasambahay” than the word “katulong”? Maybe she could use “katulong” if she lives in a house under a golden roof with red carpet. I could remember at one instance when she’s shouting on the phone reprimanding her “katulong”. How ‘gaspang’. Tsk. Are these the right manners she had learned from the expensive school she graduated from which she always brags about?

Ehr, she’s full of crap. And I think I can’t stand “kakupalan” at the same time “kaepalan” anymore. I’ve the attitude of being a bubble, if I don’t like something/someone I’d vanished in just a blink of an eye with no words at all and only few people know where to find me. Just like what I did from my previous company. If only not for my friends and my sister in the office, or if only I’m single right now, I should’ve grabbed that opportunity abroad. And now, I am actually thinking of reconsidering that career again. But I think I’m not ready. The readiness I had before fades already that I’ve to earn guts and courage again. I prefer countries in less distance right now so I can get back anytime I want to, not that 18hrs trip away from PH.

Haays.

Dreams are often weird. And last night I was visited by another strange dream. It looked like a continuation of my friend’s wedding I attended last February. Everybody’s having fun and the wedding was adorned in vintage theme. It’s hard recalling all the scenarios as every scene changed so quickly. I was there enjoying with them but I was aware that all were just a dream. And then suddenly, somebody kissed me – on my head.

I missed our HS get together last Sunday, so I bet that dream reflected my urge to attend the said event. The guy who kissed me in that dream was one of our HS batchmates who recently commented in one of my profile pictures in FB. C’mon, it’s not Jed ok? It’s in defense to my HS batchmates who may react on this post. So, to kill your curiosity, I’d give you some hints. That guy? He could only kiss me in my or his dreams. There’s no way we could be intimate personally. Not just because he’s a dude while I prefer girls but he’s one of the guys in HS I hated. He’s one of those braggart acting as if he’s a very good-looking guy where in fact – he’s terrifically not!

I searched for the interpretation of my dream via online and here’s what I found.

Wedding 

To see a wedding in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or transition in your current life. A wedding reflects your issues about commitment and independence. Alternatively, your wedding dream refers to feelings of bitterness, sorrow, or death. Such dreams are often negative and highlight some anxiety or fear. If you dream that the wedding goes wrong or ends in disaster, then it suggests that you need to address some negativity immediately.

To dream that you are attending a wedding, consider how you feel at the wedding. If you are upset or sad, then it means that you are unhappy about the current status of your life. If you are happy, then you are embracing a new change in your life.

Kiss 

To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.

If you dream that you are kissing a stranger, then it represents acknowledgement and acceptance of the repressed aspect of yourself. If you are kissed by a stranger, then your dream is one of self-discovery. You need to get more acquainted with some aspect of yourself.

To dream of kissing an enemy, signifies betrayal, hostility, or reconciliation with an angry friend. Consider also the saying “this kiss of death”. If someone tries to kiss you against your will, then it means that someone is shoving their ideas, beliefs and opinions in your face. He or she is forcing you to do something that you do not really want to do. This dream may also mean that you are refusing to accept some repressed aspect of yourself.

The “kiss” part is in between of kissing a stranger and enemy.

I sort of concluded what that dream signifies. And that conclusion? I think I might gonna keep it for now.

FLORAL JUMP-SUIT 2,990.00 PHP

Since I don’t have the “K” to wear skimpy pairs of shorts and dresses anymore, I’ve to start updating my closet and collect “lengthy” wardrobes that’ll hide all these depressing bug bite marks.  :( And the above photo is one lovely example of what I wanna wear in the future. DON’T REACT. I might be shorty but I can always wear it with confidence in stylishly petite way.

“It’s a sudden feeling when you caught yourself scared with something you can’t even name.”

It’s Wednesday, and I found myself not so loaded with work. My eyes sore as I busied myself interacting with Mr. Google and Facebook.  I saw a lot of divine shoes; I wonder why I’m getting myself back to being a shoe fanatic again. I’m itching to buy a new pair this coming weekend but… I’ve to control this urge. Believe it or not but yes, I’m learning the art of earning. I was even surprised when I checked my ATM and found a little extra penny in there – really unbelievable! I remember, I gave Pop a little amount of money when he went back in Bicol and had our out of town escapade the previous week. I was enjoying the short vacay but at the top of my head, there were these worries on how would I budget the remaining money I’ve in my pocket once I get back in metro. Plus, the expense was really out of the budget ‘cause I think I made a little charity work back there. *sigh* I just don’t make any further arguments when it comes to “money” and I don’t beg people to pay me. I simply believe that humans have conscience. Am I right?

Good karma: I think that little ‘charity work’ I did pay off. I thought I might run out of money. But I surprisingly still even have an extra amount left in my little savings. Now, I don’t have to be agitated with the upcoming payday.

Reminder: Inform BPI of lost card and ask for replacement ASAP. Screw me for being so forgetful.

Another thing that I’ve learn today is that, if you’re in love – never blog it. Most especially if you’re unsure that that love won’t last.  I’ve read something a while ago. And I couldn’t stop that nasty Mr. Green Eyed Monster to crawl over my spines. Fortunately, I was able to compose myself after few seconds. A little pinch in my cheeks did hurt but it did brought back my sane. I was jealous but NO, I won’t let it get through me – for good.

I just want to be happy. Never did will I allow bad vibes like this to ruin me again– just like before. And I would never make my present or future to be a reflection of my past.

Short promises to myself:

• Never let a single tear of sadness gets its chance to fall down (For consideration, OK, let tears come out but never let it drop! Hehe!)
• Never let LOVE destruct your whole system. Why? It simply makes us awfully UGLY. It’s should be BIG NO NO.

We can’t let people stay in our life. What important is keeping ourselves whole despite of the parting ways – which are inevitable. Stay positive.

Giuseppe Zanotti wedge at Zappos

Giuseppe Zanotti Cut-Out Leather Boots

courtesy of shoerazzi.com

Boots and shoes are the greatest trouble of my life. - George Eliot

I don’t know what happened but it’s been a terrific thing for me wearing high heeled shoes nowadays. See the photos above? These are my dream shoes. And no one can stop me from drooling over these yummy shoes online. My sister never fails to pinch me whenever we passed by some shoe stores ‘cause it’s been my hobby fitting them! For now, it’s the only thing I can afford to do. I bought a number of high-heeled shoes before but they ended up locked in their boxes. Some even got distorted without even using them. So I think, these beauteous and classy shoes will remain to be in my dream list. Wait till my feet and leg muscles got ready. I’ll definitely buy ‘em all!

Don’t you think it’s stupid getting back to an ex after shouting to the whole world how that person cheated on you? What’s more stupid is introducing that ex with PROUD face to your friends who know the entire story.  Did you ever put yourself in that ex of yours shoes? Before telling everybody how you truly love her?  And did you ever consider thinking what your friends may feel? ‘Cause if I were your friend, I might think that you’re such a big fat liar. Or worse, I might not believe you the next time you’d ask for support.  No, not all real friends may always say “yes’ so don’t get blinded if someone closest to you opposes. ‘Yes or No’ doesn’t measure truest friendship. Keep in mind that real friends might understand you but they might not support you in your dorkiest deed.

Friendly advice: In our life, people come and go to make or break us. Live and play the game of life wisely. ;D

♪♫Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about♪♫

I’ve been playing this song almost the entire day already..  Thanks to this song, it jacks up my not-so-good mood today. I think I feel better now.

♪♫This could really be a good life
A good, good life♪♫

And just when I was about to logged off, a certain blog entry popped up my updates and was like answered back my blog contents. It goes like:

“Learn to detach…Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent… But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully. That’s how you are able to leave it… Take any emotion—love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I’m going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions—if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that love entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, ‘All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment..”

 

Makes sense. So now, I gotta get back in my bed (before these mosquitoes turned out into a monstrous figure and eat me whole here outside while takin’ advantage of our neighbor’s open wifi connection) and try to get some sleep and try to wake up with good vibes. I wish. Or – better attend an Easter mass later. Or perhaps cook for my beloved family. Ehr I gotta get focused and never let this unpredictability or mood swings get in my way again.  ‘Cause it sucks big time. Plus, it makes me a real witch and monstrous!

Well, blogging is really a cure for me. I feel better now. Thanks WP! And Happy Easter people! :D